How a Client’s Emotional State Impacts Our Work, Our Boundaries, and Our Bank Accounts

Let’s talk about something not often said out loud - when a client is overwhelmed, emotionally unavailable, or quietly drowning in burnout… it impacts us too.

As Virtual Assistants, we pride ourselves on being dependable, flexible, and damn good at adapting to whatever our clients throw our way. But what happens when the thing they’re throwing is radio silence, cancelled meetings, and a big helping of emotional withdrawal?

Obviously we have lots of empathy and complete understanding for anyone experiencing overwhelm. It is something we have all suffered from and it’s a shitty place to be. BUT when the overwhelm manifests in withdrawal, it’s really frustrating for us as their VA who’s only mission is to help - it can mess with our motivation, our mental load, and our income.

“It’s not you, it’s them” — but it still affects us

When a client shuts down, communication dries up. Projects stall. Deadlines float past. And we’re left refreshing inboxes and second-guessing ourselves. Are they just busy… or is something deeper going on?

Often, the clients don’t even realise what’s happening. From the outside, it looks like inconsistency. Missed meetings. Unread messages. From the inside, they’re probably quietly crumbling. And as their right-hand person, we feel the shift before they do.

We want to help - we’re wired that way – We are in ‘support based’ roles for a reason, its our default. However it becomes harder when our clients silence is costing us time, clarity, and ultimately, money.

When emotional support becomes unpaid therapy

Many of us are naturally empathetic. We care. And that means when a client is going through something personal or tough, we often morph into therapist mode.

But there is a difference between offering a listening ear, and being supportive or considerate of circumstances, until it starts tipping into unpaid therapy, dealing with complicated emotions, and blurred boundaries.

The work changes - and not in a good way

When a client disconnects emotionally, it shifts the dynamic. It stops being a collaboration and starts feeling like a transaction. You go from being a trusted partner to a task monkey. They send you a to-do list and vanish.

Gone is the back-and-forth, the strategy, the flow. You’re left piecing together work with half the context, chasing things you don’t have answers to, and ticking boxes just to stay useful. It’s demotivating, and frankly, a bit soul-crushing.

Especially when you know the work would be better - and more impactful - if they were in the game with you.

But what about our income?

Here’s the bit no one likes to talk about - when a client ghosts or slows down, we don’t just lose connection. We lose work. Hours. Money.

If we’re on a pay-for-hours model and they stop showing up, we’re left with gaps in our diaries and gaps in our bank accounts. Even retainers don’t fully protect against the time we blocked out, expecting to work, and haven’t accepted other work on that basis.

The other complication is you often end up redoing work because timelines shifted or the window of opportunity passed. Although ultimately it’s the client that ends up paying for us to do the work twice, its not exactly rewarding doing something again, that could have been completed a month ago.

So where do we draw the line?

Here’s what came through loud and clear in our team conversation:

• Empathy is good. Codependency is not.
  Acknowledge what’s going on, but always bring it back to your role: “How can I help? Do you need reminders? Lists? Accountability?” Lead them back into action, gently.

• Respect goes both ways.
  If they’re regularly skipping meetings, going silent for weeks, or replying with a tone, that’s not okay. Communication — even if it’s just “I’m struggling right now” — is a basic expectation.

• Our needs matter too.
  We’re not robots. When clients treat us like a line item rather than a person, it impacts our confidence, motivation, and overall job satisfaction.

• Boundaries need to be agreed upfront.
  Expectations need to be mutual. If you’re going to pause for personal reasons, cool — but let’s plan for it. We’re running businesses too, and mutual respect keeps things running smoothly.

What we’re doing about it

This conversation prompted some reflections at TVC. We’re working on setting clearer expectations with clients upfront — maybe even including etiquette guidelines and explaining what “being a good client” actually looks like. Because let’s be honest, sometimes they genuinely don’t know.

We're also looking at ways to better support our associates when these gaps appear – Afterall we are all running businesses and have bills to pay.

Final thought

Supporting overwhelmed clients is part of what we do. But we can’t lose ourselves in their burnout.

We are partners, not therapists. We are professionals, not emotional sponges. And we are running businesses that also need to be prioritised.